Camping and Biking

The Essentials

It’s almost 1:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep. The reason I can’t sleep is because I’m still in the transition period between getting off the sleep medication I’ve used for years and evening out so that my body can rest and relax and sleep on its own without involving a third party. However, that subject is for another post entirely, one which I hope to write in the next week or two, assuming I feel like it. That is assuming a lot. Maybe not a lot, but it is making an assumption, something I’ve tried to stay away from as much as possible. If you always make assumptions, you are always missing out on a lot. If you assume the moon is cheese and never question this belief, you are living on the moon compared to everyone else (not literally, because if you were, you’d probably realize pretty quickly that it is a very dusty, rocky, dry piece of cheese you were living on, without any oxygen). If you never make assumptions, however, you probably aren’t reading this because you wouldn’t have assumed that this was an article you could read, or that by clicking the link that got you to the page that showed you the link to this page that supposedly actually linked to this page (why would one make so many assumptions when anything is possible!), or that by using a computer you could read other people’s thoughts and actions and lives through a backlit screen using electricity, or that by using electricity you could charge your batter-powered toothbrush, or… So many assumptions! How could anyone ever feel free when they must make up their minds ahead of time before choosing a decision and seeing where it follows? None of this is making sense now, because I just contradicted myself. Someone who makes no assumptions could very easily be reading this right now, but that would detract from my beautiful, chaotic theory of nothing that is going nowhere. Can you tell that my mind is a little fried tonight?

Sorry. Back on topic.

The real topic of this post is what I will be doing the next few days, and it will not involve sitting in front of a computer and posting exciting new things on here! Instead, I am driving a couple hours away to go camping and biking in the mountains with my mom, her dog, and Buddy, so that I can sit by a fire and write with pen and paper my thoughts and feelings so that once I’m back in civilized country I can transfer said thoughts from paper to computer and then with a click of the mouse transfer them from me to you. Amazing! And not true. Okay, only partially not. Actually, most of it is true. Except for the part of going camping and biking just to sit and write. Although that would be nice to try one of these days. A time dedicated to just sit and write, with no other distractions. I’ve heard about this before but always thought it to be a myth.

Anyways… I am going camping with my mom over the next few days a couple hours west of Bozeman. It’s somewhat last-minute, since I didn’t find out that my mom wanted to go until Saturday. She has the rest of the week off and wanted to take advantage of it by doing something fun. My mom is pretty badass when you think about it. Her idea of fun is to go camping and mountain biking for three days, then come back to Bozeman and spend her weekend either riding her road bike or her mountain bike, kayaking, hiking, or perhaps playing on the Razor in the mountains. If it was wintertime it would be an automatic trip up to Bridger Bowl for some skiing (she kicks her ski-group’s butt, even the guys!)… Wow I am digressing… We are taking our mountain bikes so that we can check out some of the trails over there. Maybe we will like them. Maybe not. That’s the whole point. I’m also looking forward to getting away from everything and being able to focus on relaxing and enjoying. This includes reading, writing (by hand, on Moleskine paper with a beautiful pen given to me by a very special friend), hiking, biking, talking, and sitting by the fire. Beer! That just reminded me. There is no beer being brought, nor wine (although is wine really a thing camping? – I think not, but this is just me, no assumptions!). I suppose this is well enough, since my mom doesn’t drink and I usually only drink wine when I’m home. But beer seems like it’d be nice to have… My hope is that I’m able to write my “About” section that I’ve been thinking about and planning ever since I created this blog. Right now it’s just a picture, and even though a picture says a thousand words, are a thousand words really enough to get to really know a person? Then again, are any words, or pictures, or sounds, ever enough to really know a person? It’s all just symbols of an experience that can never be recreated by anyone, including the person who experienced them in the first place (can’t relive a past life and all). I suppose that’s not the point of writing, or painting, or singing, or any art or other form of sharing. Though it can never be done, we strive to do the best we can, and that is enough for me. It is the experience itself and the ability to share it as best I can with others that excites me so… Along with my “About” section, perhaps I will write some other entries that can be put on here, or perhaps I will finally put to paper one of the many ideas that swim through my head daily for stories that never seem to be done justice once I actually begin writing them. But as I’ve found with any other passion I’ve pursued long enough, it can look like shit in the beginning as long as I continue moving forward and progressing within. It may take a week, a month, a year, or longer, but as long as I continue to work at it, it will progress. It will never be exactly what I envision, but as I’ve said before, isn’t that with everything? Isn’t this where throwing assumptions out the window can help lead to a life of fulfillment and peace? To realize that nothing is how it “must” be, only as it should be or ever could be, because it is at this very moment in time as it is(in this dimension and this universe, for those thinking about many-worlds). I know what I’m trying to say, but it is now coming out gibberish. I am going to spare you any more of it and leave you with a less-glamourous shot of the items I spent tonight packing (minus notebooks and reading material).

Goodnight.

Glamourous – Glamour = This

Falling Softly

I wrote this for a friend one afternoon in early January. I had only written a couple poems before that and didn’t have any real plan for what I wanted to create. It was snowing and I was thinking about my time in Paris so I combined these two elements with some of the themes in an old villanelle I had created for my Lit 201 class several years back and came up with something new and quite surprising. At some point I may revise it, but for now I will leave it as I finished it that winter afternoon.

The snow was falling softly
As I looked out the door.
There was no one to speak of
Walking these hallowed streets of lore.
An emptiness once unforeseen
Now filled me through and through.
With heavy heart and hand
I put on my shoe.

I stepped out to greet
This unsettling sight,
And soon began to wonder
What would become me of my plight.
For the secret was out there
To this beautiful life,
If I could just find the answer
It would end all my strife.

I walked towards the Arc
With the Tower in my sights,
And found it with ease,
Much to my delight.
Its grande mass before me,
I took it all in
And remembered the absence
Of all the great din.

No cars to congest,
No people to recreate,
Just a monument and a man
For life to liberate.
I finally began to find
In this dark city of Light
The beauty and peace
Once lost in the Great Fight.

With darkness coming quickly
And snow blanketing the ground,
I left the great triumph,
Without making a sound.
I passed by alleys and corridors
And through a garden full of trees.
I found myself at the Tower
And fell to my knees.

The secret was near,
The secret was there,
The secret was here,
It was everywhere.
There was nothing to hide
And nothing more to be,
But a man calm inside,
Left standing by a tree.

Hello World!

Dieses Bier ist sehr gut!

It’s after 2 a.m. on a Friday night and it seems I can’t come up with a better title for my first post. In fact, I’m so worn out that I don’t have much to come up with for anything right now. I just want to have something available so that when I wake up later this morning and log back in to look at my new creation, I won’t be faced with a blank page. There’s something to say about a blank page, and not being faced with it. There’s something to say about a lot of things, which I hope to accomplish throughout my posts on this blog, although I probably won’t cover all of them, since who has that much time to devote to saying something about everything? Zeus, perhaps. Or another of the immortals. Anyways, I digress (which happens more often than you might think). I am starting this new blog because I was unhappy with where my old one was going. I had little control over the design, it was not being read by the engines and so no one was finding it, and I was beginning to take it in a direction that I’ve been working tirelessly to move away from. In the end, I just didn’t feel like I had much control over my own blog. I wanted a fresh start with something more dynamic, more stabile, and that gave me the ability to control every aspect of content and design. I’ve never used WordPress before, so it’s taken me several hours throughout the day today to do some research and begin understanding what I can do and what I want to do with its capabilities. I’m excited by the endless possibilities and the growing community. I’m also excited about being more proactive with my posts, focusing them on actual topics and ideas rather than the constant rambling journal entries my old blog had become. I want to post pictures on here. I want to share stories and writings that I’ve done in the past and plan on continuing to do going forward. I want to share my ideas and my experiences, past, present, and future. Ever since I left USC to move back to Montana and figure out where my place in life is, I’ve been drifting along with my wandering, and a lot of it hasn’t been good. I’m working on changing this, and the last two months have been huge strides forward for me. But even in all that drifting and searching for meaning, there have been some amazing experiences. I am a wayward drifter. I like to see the world and understand it and experience it for what it is and for what my mind makes it out to be. I am good at many things but master at none. I have an imagination that sometimes drives me to wonder if I’m walking on the wrong side of genius. I like to combine the analytical with the creative, the dark with the light, the good with the evil, and turn it into something beautiful and real and me. I have felt so alone and isolated and foreign to myself and those around me that I rarely am able to achieve any of this. But I am always working towards this goal, this bliss of mine. It will never truly happen as I have imagined it. I will never be able to be all things at once. And I will never understand where it is I am going to be next week, next month, or next year. But there is one thing that I will always be so long as I push myself to follow the thing I’ve wanted to do since I was eight years old and living out of a barn in the mountains of Montana. As long as I write, as long as I don’t give up on myself, I will always be the writing wanderer.